Page by: J Beck
I had an argument with a neighbour one
day as he was up ladders looking in my
garden for over an hour when we had a
child staying with us. I confronted this
man and told him he had no right to be
looking in my garden.
The discussion soon took a turn for
the worse and the police arrived soon
The police charged me with being abusive,
stating there was no law against someone being
up ladders looking in my garden for up to 2
As I believed this statement was not
entirely true, I put a complaint in about this
officer, leading to her being investigated.
Seems the outcome of the investigation was
The solicitor representing me asked to meet
me outside of the court 10 minutes before the
trial. He was about an hour late, stating the
court was running late as one of the witnesses
against me was almost deaf, and the audio
system had failed.
This was the wife of the man I had the
argument with, who claimed to have been
listening to our conversation from down in her
I told the solicitor this woman had a burst
eardrum, as I heard her man rearranged the
shape of her head a few years earlier with a
The solicitor then ran in the court
shouting, need to see the fiscal, get the case
The solicitor then told me I should have
told him this during our meetings.
I told the solicitor this was on the first
page of my statement in large print, one of the
reasons I did not want him looking in my
garden. Seemingly, reading is not the
solicitor’s strong point.
Six months later, my neighbour entered the
witness box, and after exchanging pleasantries
with the Fiscal, stated to the court, He had
locked a wee girl in the boot of his car, about
ten years old, and the police never kept a
record of it.
The Fiscal had to inform him he was not
there for that incident, he was there as a
witness against me.
My neighbour also stated he was up his
ladders for about an hour and a half washing
the roof of his car, not looking in my
The three JPs looked shocked by what he was
My neighbours wife was next to give
evidence, sporting a rather large hearing aid,
definitely not a latest model.
The Fiscal and Solicitor had to shout at her
from 4 feet for her to hear them, yet she
claimed to have heard a conversation from a
The Fiscal and Solicitor thought it would be
a good idea not to ask her if she was half
deaf, and how she became half deaf.
Their neighbour was next to enter the
witness box, a 20 stone individual the police
claimed was a credible witness.
I had warned my solicitor about this person,
as I had seen him chasing two police officers
out his garden one day. The two officers
survived intact, as they managed to get in
My solicitor had just introduced himself to
this witness, when he shouted, are you
eyeballing me, to which this large guy replied:
I will f--king look at you whatever way I want
to f--king look at you.
My solicitor took a run at this guy as if he
was going to nut him.
Whilst forehead to forehead, shouting: don’t
you dare eyeball me, and, Ill f--king look at
you how I f--king want to look at you, the
solicitor jumped back shouting: you’ve been
The big guy then stated, I av been drinkin,
bit geest wan pint (Yes I have been dinking but
just one pint).
The shouting and swearing continued for a
few minutes, with the big guy hanging out the
witness box as if he was trying to get a hold
of the solicitor.
A JP seemed to get fed up with the
unpleasanteries, so stood up and began shouting
as loud as he could for the big guy to stop
swearing at the solicitor.
The solicitor and fiscal soon finished with
the big guy, so told him to leave, leading to a
dramatic exit from the witness box, falling
flat on his face, narrowly missing a rather
nervous looking police officer.
Wan pint, who was he kidding.
The three JPs believed the three witness’s
evidence against me, a self confessed child
abductor, a deaf woman, and a violent drunk, so
found me guilty.
My solicitor then read out I had never been
in trouble with the police before, run my own
business, and had been called upon many times
for Jury Service.
The three JPs agreed a years suspended
sentence with no fine. .